Learning Goal: I’m working on a business writing question and need an explanation and answer to help me learn.
Keep in mind that you should be very thorough with your analysis of strengths and weaknesses. Do not attempt this assignment until you have read Chapters 4 and 5 in the textbook, so you’re able to apply the concepts you read to analyzing and rewriting the message.
Here is the original paragraph question that the above question is based on
5-67 Completing: Revising for Readability
rewrite the following paragraph to vary the length of the sentences and to shorten the paragraph so it looks more inviting to the readers
Original Message BelowAlthough major league baseball remains popular, more people are attending minor league baseball games because they can spend less on admission, snacks, and parking and still enjoy the excitement of America’s pastime. Connecticut, for example, has three AA minor league teams, including the New Haven Ravens, who are affiliated with the St. Louis Cardinals; the Norwich Navigators, who are affiliated with the New York Yankees; and the New Britain Rock Cats, who are affiliated with the Minnesota Twins. These teams play in relatively small stadiums, so fans are close enough to see and hear everything, from the swing of the bat connecting with the ball to the thud of the ball landing in the outfielder’s glove. Best of all, the cost of a family outing to see rising stars play in a local minor league game is just a fraction of what the family would spend to attend a major league game in a much larger, more crowded stadium.
Bovée, C. L., & Thill, J. V. (2019). Business communication essentials: Fundamental skills for the mobile-digital-social workplace. (8th ed.) Pearson. ISBN: 978-0-13-472940-4
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